Monday, February 9, 2009

‘Nonscience’ observations: Personality depends on how you commit suicide


We live in psycho-babble-cal times (that could be another word!). There's always some silly research somewhere to prove something silly is true, the latest being Tintin is gay. Ten thousand blistering barnacles, what does that mean?! Tintin does not exist. Apparently, the nailing proof is that there are no women around Tintin, and Snowy is not a bitch. In the same tradition, I have put forth some 'nonscience' observations to show how personality type is connected to the way one commits suicide:
* Ones who make perfect double hangman's knots on their noose are meticulous and neat
* One who prefers to drown is conservative and flows with the current. Those that jump off bridges, like to burn their bridges
* Those who slash their wrist to bleed to death slowly are narcissistic and love to watch themselves
* Those that prefer a drug overdose like to sleep off their problems. They forget/ forgive easily
* If a person commits suicide in a way that leaves room for rescue, s/he is an incurable optimist
* Those that jump off skyscrapers are adventurous and romantic. They are hooked to adrenaline
* Those that jump off small buildings (two or three storey) are impulsive
* Those that shoot themselves in the head are conservative and stick to their decisions
* Those who swallow the barrel of the gun and shoot themselves in the roof of their mouth are experimental
* People who consume poison drink life to the last drop
* People who specifically take cyanide have short attention spans
* People who stand on rail tracks and wait for a train like to make an impact in life
* People who jump into zoo cages where tigers, lions and other predators live, like to be useful to the last crumb. However, those that jump into cages where gorillas live enjoy cheap thrills
* People who self-immolate are passionate, and often self-destructive
* People who suffocate themselves value the environment
* People who binge drink to death are existentialists and hate wastage. They live for today
* People who stab themselves have great faith in their abilities
* People who jump into important places like Niagara Falls or embrace the lava of a fresh volcano die to be remembered. Such people plan their suicide notes for months
* People who don't leave suicide notes like to keep the world guessing
* People who get into suicide pacts are extroverts. They make for lively company
* People who disappear on purpose before dying are mysterious
* Those that bury themselves alive are self-contained

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