Tuesday, February 17, 2009

HK, from a Puneite's perspective


While on the subway metro train in Hong Kong, I felt bad for the ultra urban Hong Kongyan (also called a 'Honkie'). Life was good for this person. Little too good, from a practical viewpoint. This person can move from point A to point B without having to worry at all. All he needs is an octopus. In case you are thinking I am going into some fantastic J K Rowling type tale, I am sorry for the misunderstanding. The octopus is a digital pass you can use to travel in a metro train, bus, ferry, tram and can even use it to buy goods at departmental stores. All you have to do is beep it.
This octopus-carrying human being does not have to hang on trains and buses or wait or worry if the cabbie is going to cheat her/him off her/his life savings. Or charge half-return because she/he has to go to Disneyland at 9 pm, because that's way off from the central city.
For these simple reasons, I felt bad for the sneaker-freaks of Hong Kong. They can't do what we can.
Think of this. If this person is put in Pune and s/he has to take a bus to work or argue with a rickshawallah, s/he will be finished. In Hong Kong, there is no argument because the octopus decides everything. So, this person would never develop our kind of bargaining and verbal skills. This person would never be as emotionally intelligent as us because we have to bullshit our way into making an auto driver believe "bas idhar hi hai, do minute bas… thoda aage aur bas". And after you reach your destination two centuries later, the auto driver will tell you conned him and, therefore, he should not hand you the change back and you'll try your best to convince him that you had, in fact, told him about the last turn to your home ("maine toh bola tha!") and that it is only 10 pm. If the argument does not end, you'll threaten to report him. But it probably won't reach that because both parties are bullshitters.
What I am trying to say is, just see the amount of skill and intelligence required to live in such a chaotic, lawless system! It makes us edgy and always ready for battle. There is no one way out.
So, here is a humble request I make to the administration of Pune: please do not improve the terrible public transport system.
We should not become like the Hong Kongyan who worries only where he has kept his octopus. We need to worry about buses, time, stops, dogs, cows, cats etc. That keeps us smart and our tongues in working condition.

Logically speaking
Someone told me that because we have to channel ourselves through so much chaos and figure out the best way, it makes Indians good programmers. It could be true. I also read in the National Geographic that because Koreans use chopsticks made of steel, they are good at stem cell lab work.
On that logic, imagine the number of things we should be good at. We use our hands while eating so we should have been unbeatable at pottery and ceramics, but the chopstick-using Japanese are the true masters.
Since we adjust so much in the chaos, we should have had a great sense of humour. But where is that?
Or maybe, we have come to love our chaos because we have no easy way out of it. It is like our arranged marriages. Your mama gets you a bride and you fall in love with her though she digs her nose in public and gets out wondrous treasures.
Canadian-Indian comedian Russell Peters said that his mother gave him this piece of advice after choosing a bride for him: "She is a little big now, but you'll soon grow into her." He didn't marry.

By the way
I think the Hong Kong administration got it wrong. They should have called it 'octopass' and not octopus. Would have been cooler. Apparently, the octopus' British counterpart is called oyster. The day is not far when you'll hear a good ol' vegetarian Indian tourist go, "No thanks, but I don't eat seafood" at the metro station.

Beauty ideal
While walking the malls of Hong Kong, I saw many pretty Chinese girls. And I associated their beauty with an ideal, but just couldn't get the word. Last morning when I woke up, it finally hit me: Manga and Anime cartoon girls. That's the beauty ideal in the great metropolis. That's how weird the future is.

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