Want a ‘fast’ philosopher? Just go anywhere in India

Everybody philosophises. Just go to a guy selling wada-pav and talk to him at length. Sooner or later, he is going to proclaim: zindagi aisi hi hai. Life’s like that.
Philosophising is irresistible when one does not know the history of thought. Of course, it is tough to know all of it, but some historical sense is paramount to disciplined thinking. Anyway, let’s leave this aside and look at popular philosophy that is thrown at you in every street corner.
A candy floss seller once explained to me how life was in candy floss metaphor. “From a distance, life’s like this candy floss – big, fluffy, pretty, and sweet looking. Take a bite and it ends in a flash,” he said. He was also of the view that most people were like candy floss – puffed up by air on the outside and a near nought on the inside.
Carpenters have everything sussed out too. When you say “touch wood”, they are likely to ask, “Is it smoothened? Has it been polished?” Only a carpenter knows the perils of touching wood that’s not been sawed and hewed properly. All you need is a tiny splinter inside your finger to turn you insane. If you aren’t able to dislodge it, you could look forward to a gangrene to die for.
Mechanics have an elaborate system of philosophy too. One mechanic I knew made love under the bed because that gave him a feeling of security. Since, he was always below a car or a truck, making love under the bed made him feel at home. His routine had overtaken his spontaneity.
As you would expect, he explained relationships in car terms. “If you wish to keep your car fine and faithful for many years, only you should drive it. Sharing is a bad idea, especially if a car does not have automatic transmission. However, the problem with a well-maintained car is that people will envy it. It’ll flatter you but will also make you tense. And yes, oil your vehicle whenever you can,” he said.
He explained that it was easier to maintain a Maruti than a Mercedes. “If you are in deep trouble and don’t have food to eat, you’d sell your Maruti but mortgage your Mercedes and spend years trying to get it back,” he said.
It is wonderful when a mechanic is in a simplifying mood. My mechanic once told me that electricals in a vehicle can be the easiest thing to mend but extremely difficult to detect. A little wire snaps and your car will give up on you. Nothing happens without sparks. He didn’t think relationships were any different.
Watchmen also have some effective takes on life. I have known a few of them and the most universal thought that came from them was that robberies never happen when they are asleep. They also told me that the part of the night closest to dawn was the longest. Out of all that they shared with me, I found this particular thought to be very deep.
The postman who comes to deliver my mail regularly is an extraordinary gentleman. He never forgets a face. Lately, he has been worried about his future because he has very few letters to deliver compared to five years back. He has to negotiate Alvin Toffler’s future shock daily. “In 1972 when I worked in a village, people would faint when I said ‘telegram’. Nowadays, I faint if I have a telegram to deliver. That’s life,” he once told me.
Yes, that is life. For a journalist, life is good when the news is bad. We survive on cynicism. We revel in the fact that even the most perfect world can crumble under its own weight.

(Also contact me on vyalin@hotmail.com)