Dissection: What makes a poor joke (PJ)?

While wondering about ‘poor jokes’, I looked up the dictionary because I had nothing to do. Against ‘joke’ I found the following words: witticism, sally, pun, gag, banter, wisecrack. And against ‘poor’ (keeping the context in mind), I found these words: spiritless, miserable, mean, low, disgraceful, despicable, pathetic. And using these words, I created:

Despicable Witticism
Pathetic Pun
Spiritless Sally
Low Gag

You have countless other options, but let us leave it for now. As I discovered, and as you may have noticed, when you put the initial letters of ‘poor’ and ‘joke’ or their variants together they take on a new power. For instance, besides PJ, I have DW, PP, SS and LG. The last variant would make an electronic appliance company very unhappy. As for SS or Spiritless Sally, I used to know a girl like that. She was not promiscuous because she could not be.

After giving scant thought to the matter, I have realised that PJs are creations of a state of mind that is in the infinite plane of ‘coolness’. To use the word that Will Smith gave the world, when you are really getting ‘jiggy’ with it you are able to create PJs. As Smith pointed out, ‘jiggy’ is an ultimate condition of cool, something like speed of light – not achievable. It is possible only in theory. To bring you back to the point, PJ is the state when you create a joke that transcends the character of a joke and becomes so rich that it elicits laughter only when you look for the laugh in it. And you have to look hard, sometimes for days.

Take the case of one of the most easily recognisable PJs: Two sardarjis playing chess.

At first sight it is not funny at all. In fact, it sounds downright despicable. So, along comes someone who isn’t jiggy enough and adds: “And two other sardarjis who are watching ask, ‘Can we play doubles?’”

The sequel makes many laugh. However, the PJ quality is gone because it degenerates into a real joke. It becomes too easy to laugh at. Like an obese woman falling on a rack of eggs. Not like a fat elephant blowing bubbles under water.

As I understand, PJs must not make you laugh. It must make you winch with a helpless irritation that makes you want to say, “Come on. That is stupid!” In truth, a real PJ must be so stupid that using the word ‘stupid’ to define it must fall short by a thousand miles. It must draw out words like ‘dumb’, ‘square’, ‘retard’ and still make the listener angry that s/he is unable to decide or express as to how stupid the PJ really is.

Sacha Baron Cohen, the Ukranian comedian, dished out a cool PJ to the press and nobody laughed. In fact, some of the scribes wondered if he was fit to be a comedian. Sacha told the know-it-all press that he had a funny joke for them and said: “You know that chair which walks. All four legs.” And then gestured how that would look with his fingers. But nobody laughed. So he added, “Guess you already heard that one.”

Keeping these factors in mind I have tried to make my own contribution to the world of PJs or LGs. If you laugh, you are as jiggy as I am. If you feel my creations are pathetic and deserve to be flung to northern Timbuktu, I would consider myself successful. It is a win-win situation for me.

Q: What did the dumb guy tell the elephant?
A: Nothing.
Q: What did the giraffe tell the dumb guy?
A: Only the giraffe, the dumb guy and the safari guide know.
Q: What did the ant tell the bacteria?
A: You are so tiny.

I have one joke on Nithari serial killings too. But it is thoughtless.