Light bulbs are not used to represent bright ideas in cartoons for nothing. I discovered the whole truth about journalism by asking the single most important question that humanity has ever asked.
Q. How many sub-editors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to see if the bulb is dated. Another to fit it in the socket. And the third to see if the first two were right.
Q. How many chief sub-editors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to tell the sub-editors what to do and another to re-fit the bulb in exactly the same way.
Q. And how many news editors?
A. After the light bulb is changed by the sub-editors and re-fitted by the chief sub, it takes one news editor to break the news to the editor and take credit for the job.
Q. And how many editors does it take?
A. None. The subs and chief subs do it anyway.
Q. How many reporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Six. First one to tell the second where to fit the bulb, which the second confirms by calling up the third, and then, hands over to the fourth to do the actual changing. But the fifth finds out the fuse is gone, and so the sixth has to begin from square one.
Q. How many layout artistes does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to wait for the bulb that the sub will buy and the second to tell him he should have bought a tube instead.
Q. How many photo-correction artistes does it take for the same?
A. Two. One to fix the bulb and one to put a lampshade over it.
Q. How many design managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to remove the old bulb, the second to wipe the dust off it and the third to fix it back again and tell the editor it’s a new bulb.
Q. How many photographers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Four. One to find a bulb shop. One to buy the bulb. One to fit the bulb, so that the fourth can take the day off.
Q. How many correspondents does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to buy an old bulb, and one to mail it to the head office so that the subs can fix it.
Q. How many page 3 journalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to choose a zero power Gucci bulb. One to fit it in a place that does not need light. And the third to look cute, while the bulb’s being changed.
Q. How many features editors does it take to change a bulb?
A. Two. One to change the bulb and one to find out if there is another way of doing it.
Q. How many features writers does it take?
A. Five. One to hold the bulb, one to hold the socket, one to hold the wires, one to call the electrician and one to ask the electrician how he feels while changing the bulb.
Q. How many business scribes does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Four. One to see if the market is down, one to buy the bulb when the market is down, one to see if changing bulbs is a global trend, and one to switch off the bulb after fixing it.
Q. How many sports sub-editors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Eleven. Five to hold the bulb, five to fix it and one to keep time.
Q. How many children’s supplement scribes does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Five. One to buy a tiny bulb that fits in the palm. One to change it. One to draw colourful cartoons on the bulb, one to ensure the task remains a simple one and one to write a simple how-to-change-a-bulb piece
Q. How many columnists does it take?
A. One-and-a-half. One to fix the bulb and half to think it’s the best job ever.
Q. How many HR personnel does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to find a socket for a bulb the other is going to buy and the third to review what happened after the bulb didn’t fit.
Q. How many receptionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to find the appropriate bulb, one to keep it on hold so that the third can find an electrician to do the job.
Q. How many newspaper vendors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to get the best deal on a dozen bulbs, one to get the best deal on a dozen sockets and one to ensure they are not paying for the power.
Q. How many newspaper owners does it take to change a light bulb?
A. It depends on the advertisement revenue.
Well, I’d better stop here before I am electrocuted. More next time.
By Santanu Borah. >> atmavan@gmail.com
Q. How many sub-editors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to see if the bulb is dated. Another to fit it in the socket. And the third to see if the first two were right.
Q. How many chief sub-editors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to tell the sub-editors what to do and another to re-fit the bulb in exactly the same way.
Q. And how many news editors?
A. After the light bulb is changed by the sub-editors and re-fitted by the chief sub, it takes one news editor to break the news to the editor and take credit for the job.
Q. And how many editors does it take?
A. None. The subs and chief subs do it anyway.
Q. How many reporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Six. First one to tell the second where to fit the bulb, which the second confirms by calling up the third, and then, hands over to the fourth to do the actual changing. But the fifth finds out the fuse is gone, and so the sixth has to begin from square one.
Q. How many layout artistes does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to wait for the bulb that the sub will buy and the second to tell him he should have bought a tube instead.
Q. How many photo-correction artistes does it take for the same?
A. Two. One to fix the bulb and one to put a lampshade over it.
Q. How many design managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to remove the old bulb, the second to wipe the dust off it and the third to fix it back again and tell the editor it’s a new bulb.
Q. How many photographers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Four. One to find a bulb shop. One to buy the bulb. One to fit the bulb, so that the fourth can take the day off.
Q. How many correspondents does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to buy an old bulb, and one to mail it to the head office so that the subs can fix it.
Q. How many page 3 journalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to choose a zero power Gucci bulb. One to fit it in a place that does not need light. And the third to look cute, while the bulb’s being changed.
Q. How many features editors does it take to change a bulb?
A. Two. One to change the bulb and one to find out if there is another way of doing it.
Q. How many features writers does it take?
A. Five. One to hold the bulb, one to hold the socket, one to hold the wires, one to call the electrician and one to ask the electrician how he feels while changing the bulb.
Q. How many business scribes does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Four. One to see if the market is down, one to buy the bulb when the market is down, one to see if changing bulbs is a global trend, and one to switch off the bulb after fixing it.
Q. How many sports sub-editors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Eleven. Five to hold the bulb, five to fix it and one to keep time.
Q. How many children’s supplement scribes does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Five. One to buy a tiny bulb that fits in the palm. One to change it. One to draw colourful cartoons on the bulb, one to ensure the task remains a simple one and one to write a simple how-to-change-a-bulb piece
Q. How many columnists does it take?
A. One-and-a-half. One to fix the bulb and half to think it’s the best job ever.
Q. How many HR personnel does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to find a socket for a bulb the other is going to buy and the third to review what happened after the bulb didn’t fit.
Q. How many receptionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to find the appropriate bulb, one to keep it on hold so that the third can find an electrician to do the job.
Q. How many newspaper vendors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to get the best deal on a dozen bulbs, one to get the best deal on a dozen sockets and one to ensure they are not paying for the power.
Q. How many newspaper owners does it take to change a light bulb?
A. It depends on the advertisement revenue.
Well, I’d better stop here before I am electrocuted. More next time.
By Santanu Borah. >> atmavan@gmail.com
No comments:
Post a Comment